Random funny things

How to exit VIM https://github.com/hakluke/how-to-exit-vim/blob/master/README.md

Obscene, but funny (Russian original — the translation can’t keep the rhyme, sorry)

On a deserted spot there stands
A gloomy lighthouse, tall.
So sadly do the waves go
Smack against it, balls and all.

But the lighthouse stubbornly
Shines its light out to the ships,
So that they don't smash themselves
The hell to bits and rips.

And on it lives a keeper,
Wise as an elephant, this man,
Who through the nights distills himself
Some murky moonshine in a can.

And every now and then to him
A whale comes swimming round.
It downs a shot of moonshine
And lies there feeling down.

And whistling across the sea,
A mighty gust of wind
Goes smashing all the schooners
On the whale's enormous dick.

A spire crowns the whale aloft,
Its tip stretched to the sky.
You hear how all the seagulls
Go smack against it as they fly.

The dust and all the cobwebs
Hold their grand ball in this place.
The smell of all the mothballs
Has pissed off everyone, no trace.

The old sweater keeps him warm,
A candle flickers, faint and shy.
The keeper of the lighthouse
Sips his scalding hot tea dry.

The dust and all the cobwebs,
Deep within the mirrors' glow.
That bastard of an albatross
Has crapped right on his shoulder, oh.

In the deserted lighthouse
Foul thoughts creep into the head.
Once my tea has gone and cooled —
I'll lose my mind in here for good.

And then there also happens by
A captain, total prick,
Who goes and wrecks his vessel
Right against the lighthouse, quick.

And not at all to blame
For the disaster is the whale,
Who, dick hidden in the corals,
Weeps and mourns to no avail...

Normal questions for an IT interview:

Have you ever been charged before for storing data in global variables?

What is the result of running the command git push me and then just touch me till I can get my satisfaction, satisfaction?

Find the G-spot using binary search.

Name your favorite pose for a standup meeting.

Have you ever done .Net for money?

Are you able to bring a girl to orgasm with a programming language?

Formulate the dependency of the time-to-fix of a critical bug on the seniority of the manager present.

In your resume you listed knowledge of php. Aren’t you ashamed?

Why is Luke Skywalker round?

Which loop is faster: for, while, or the right-hand rule?

Justify the Turing completeness of Javascript from the standpoint of the Freudian school of programming.

Before you are a brush, a canvas, and an easel. Write a compiler.

Tell us something about Pascal. Tell us about the pros and cons of autocomplete during sex.

How often do you say “please, come on…” to your code?

Stop blushing and giggling! We repeat the question: “have you ever used LaTeX before?”

Who had the longest code in your previous team?

Do you wash your hands before editing code in production?

What makes you smile more: “I have read and agree to the terms and conditions” or signing a non-disclosure agreement?

Your resume says your last position was delivery manager… so you delivered pizza or what?

Have you been accused of attempting to program before?

Just admit it already — you debugged JavaScript with alerts, didn’t you?

Can you draw an analogy between working on a five-year project and proctology?

What do you think is more effective: copy-pasting code from examples, or convincing the customer they don’t need that feature?

push —force, checkout — and what other ways of resolving conflicts do you know?

To be honest, we’re a bit puzzled by the fact that you looked for a programming job through the labor exchange…

Do you agree that every developer should ruin their eyesight, reinvent the wheel, and grow a repository?

In your resume you said you’d like to work on an interesting project… did you bring that project with you?

Is it true that a mix of php, css, js, html, and sql in a single file has a laxative effect?

Do you agree that an admin should have a beard, even if the admin is a woman?

Tell me, have you ever simulated OOP?

Can you “negotiate” with QA on the eve of a release?

How do you see your code in five years?

Reveal the geopolitical premises of a kernel panic from the standpoint of string theory.

Xbox, PlayStation, or Terminal — which console do you prefer?

Have you ever been locked in the server room? What for?

What are the advantages of force push over standard work with a repository? How much time does this method save you personally?

2048 or “Solitaire” — which are you more successful at?

Tell me honestly, do you lie on LinkedIn?

By what external signs of a developer can you tell the length of a sprint?

Are you tolerant of copy-pastes?

“Measure-update seven times, commit once” or “commit seven times, revert once” — which methodology do you follow?

A loop, a condition, a variable — and what other C++ terms do you know that you can use to turn a guy down?

Tsoi, Lenin, PHP — what do they have in common?

How do you explain to a junior that pinging servers at his age is normal?

Name the most extreme place where you’ve ever done bugfixing.

Write the simplest operating system. Keep it within 140 characters.

How often do you play with fonts?

Your resume says you worked for 10 years in Microsoft’s testing department. We checked — no such department exists!

How do you feel about legalizing the smoking of manuals?